RPG Monster Song

from One Nerdy Knight by Apryl Knight

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about

Apryl Knight plays toy piano, bodhran, voice

lyrics

Beholders and kobolds and sphinxes and ogres
And dragons (chromatic and not)
Stone golems, earth golems, gorgons, efreet
Elementals both chilly and hot

Basilisk, vampire, bugbear, leviathan
Cockatrice, gnoll, orc and roc
Siren and satyr and incubus, succubus,
Will o' wisp and trees that walk

Purple worm, lizardman, hippogriff, mimic
Medusas that stare and shoot arrows
Dryad and dark elf and bugbear, chimera and
Wyvern and werewolf and merrows
--------------
Aboleth, avoral, archon, and athach,
A giant, a cube made of jello
Barghest, and blink dog and centaur and chuul,
A destrachan's attack: sonic bellows

Celestial creature, darkmantle, digester
A 9 foot devourer, too
A dire wolf and deep dwarf, a drow and a frost worm
Black pudding with acid-like goo

Gargoyles and genies and giants and gnomes
And paladins fighting gazebos
Our party has fought all these monsters and more
We roll dice and we eat our burritos
--------------
Pegasus, naga, night hag, and nightmare,
And the Glow Cloud - wait, that is Night Vale
A frostwind virago and Wind creature who
Creates wind wall, a great howling gale

Chaos beast, Cloaker, and Delver, and Demon
Assassin vine, Formian queen
Aranea, Arrowhawk, Bodak, and Belker
And slime that's transparent and green

Barbed devil, bone devil, chain devil, horned devil
Ice devil, imp, and pit fiend
Nightcrawler, nightwalker, nightwing, and nymph
On Gygax's text we were weaned
--------------
Ethereal filcher, a Gibbering mouther
Homunculus, Lamia, Lich
Gray render, Grimlock, Rakshasa, and Rast
Cursed armor that might make you itch

A Halfling, a Harpy, a Hellhound, a Howler
a shadow, a shambling mound
A Manticore, Minotaur, Mummy lord, and
Phantom fungus that's found underground

D&D is much more fun than real life
We pretend to be our alter-egos
When you're sad you can sit in on our game
D&D wins out over placebos
--------------
A rust monster ruins all metals it finds
And a steam golem loudly can whistle
A razor boar tramples all of your friends
I attack darkness and cast Magic Missile

That rust monster ate up my favorite sword
Now I'm down to a crossbow and dirk
A wraith just drained away two of my levels away
This new DM is quite a jerk

A Hydra, a Kraken, a Sea cat, a sea hag
And merfolk down where it is wet
Bat swarm and rat swarm and spider swarm, too
A griffon and krenshar
A spectre and sprites
That ain't all but it's all that you get.

credits

from One Nerdy Knight, released March 19, 2019
Words by Apryl Knight / April D. Porter, tune - Jarabe Tapatío / Mexican Hat Dance, arranged by Apryl Knight / April D. Porter

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about

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Apryl Knight Austin, Texas

Apryl Knight is an Austin-based geek who loves all things SCA, Medieval, Renaissance, and Sci-Fi. She plays music from many times and many lands on WAY too many instruments.

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