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Go Home Google (You're Drunk Again)

from One Nerdy Knight by Apryl Knight

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about

Apryl Knight plays piano, cymbal, Liebaphone, finger percussion, voice

lyrics

Late last night I went to the store
Google maps decided she could take no more
She made a choice - I should go explore
Giving good directions is such a bore

Go through a stop sign - turn right
Drive 50 feet, then left at the light
Take a hairpin turn, not too tight
I find myself driving for the rest of the night

*Go home, Google, you’re drunk again

Another drive I decided to take
Google maps made a big mistake
Good thing I have a working emergency brake
Seemed she wanted me to end up in the lake

She looked at the directions, but didn’t respond
Of clear instructions, she is not fond
With her common sense, someone had to abscond
She said, “Go straight down the boat launch and into the pond”

*Go home, Google, you’re drunk again

Just the other day I went for a drive
On the upper deck of I-35
Google maps must have wanted a swan-dive
She said to turn right on De(a)dman Drive

I drove out to my friend’s abode
She lives in a rural postal code
My car into a cornfield Google showed
Then she told me to proceed off-road

*Go home, Google, you’re drunk again*

Last week I went to a derby bout
Google maps suggested the scenic route
Instead of the highway, a roundabout
Then onto a dirt road and a tire blowout

My friend asked me to check on her dog, Mouse
While she was on vacation with her spouse
Google Maps instructions caused me to grouse
They sent me to the city dump instead of her house

*Go home, Google, you’re drunk again

Another friend’s home, I did look for
We were going to watch Harry and Dumbledore
About a block before her house, Google spoke no more
But said I’d reached my destination on her second floor

I had to go shopping to stock my fridge
But Google Maps messed up, just a smidge
She gave me directions across a ridge, then told
Me to cross a river without a bridge

*Go home, Google, you’re drunk again

Whomever named these roads could not foresee
Google’s misinterpretation of vocabulary
She gets abbreviations wrong; QED,
It’s not “Malcolm Ten Drive” or “Robert East Lee”

Google Maps’ directions are sometimes wrong
When telling you to turn, she takes too long
You’re out on the highway, zooming along
(tacit - “Turn right during last verse - Recalculating song”)

*Go home, Google, you’re drunk again

credits

from One Nerdy Knight, released March 19, 2019
Words and Music by Apryl Knight / April D. Porter

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Apryl Knight Austin, Texas

Apryl Knight is an Austin-based geek who loves all things SCA, Medieval, Renaissance, and Sci-Fi. She plays music from many times and many lands on WAY too many instruments.

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